Protected: Sa susunod.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Skip Beats

If I could only move time to heal a sober and lonely wandering heart. I would.

There are a lot of theories of what am I thinking today. Feeling today? Or how am I looking today.

I still have hangover from what I have heard last night/day. A good friend have  just moved in into his new battleground. I’m proud of him. I’m proud of his tough decision he made all by himself.  I’m proud that he had the courage to do so, and the will to work on it every step of the way without us knowing it.

To the loyalest of of all loyals. (If there are such words) For the eager, hard working, eccentric and everything beyond my view point classmate, friend, brother and unbiological family Mr. Luigi Gokapi-Cruz, the best for your Benildean journey! We wish for you academic excellence and another exciting unit of schooling. Memories will be kept at heart. Rock on! :]

As for the other thing. I prefer to keep it with me. What is important is I have learned my lesson, and I reviewed my thoughts on it. Lord willing that it would take the shortest possible time to move on and accept things the way they are going to be. If skipping heart beats per day would move the fast forward button to play, even if I would catch my breath, it will do.

Nauseate

Getting sick of my daily flip emotions. Right now, I feel like being shot to death.

WORST SUMMER EVER

I’m so pissed I have to type these words down. So far so bad. Thank you! Everything else went as a mess. Not happy. NOT REALLY HAPPY. NOT EVEN THINKING OF HAPPY THINGS.

I haven’t. I forgot. I chose.

Its been a while since I last blog about my life lately. (Except for the 30 blog challenge on my Tumblr which I find hard to do everyday) I have personal issues which I prefer to keep to myself. (The power of secrecy according to Dr. Aquino) There are some things better left unsaid and kept safe with me and me alone. Yeah, that’s how I roll girlfriends, I do have reservations for myself of course. (I mean, who does not right?) Although, I’m doing this all for the sake of letting you all know that I’m still alive. ;P

A roller coaster ride of adventures I should say. Like any other thrill seeking human, I must face it with utmost courage.

I feel like I don’t make sense at all with all these.. rants. Should I.. DELETE?

No.

Okay, so I’ll go ahead.

I haven’t..

slept without thinking of you.

had any absences in two of my classes.

took my camera to the repair shop again.

saved a single cent of my summer allowance.

made you forgive me. YET.

went to church lately.

I forgot..

my ID last Tuesday. So I just made an alibi that it was lost on my way to school and I was to get the affidavit of loss from the notary.

that I have vacation. And it is vacation time. I have summer classes and my schedule runs 6 days a week.

that I was not yet in legal age.  All the while I thought I was already legal by the end of the year.

about you. Almost. But not really.

I chose..

to skip class on my birthday. Birthday treat for myself!

not to go out anywhere this week. (Except this weekend)

to sleep early last night. I was already in bed my 9:30PM

to still be civil. For the sake of being so.

Lessons from the Mac Lab (and other corners of the school that are less cooler)

These past few days I observed that most people went busy (even more busier) than their usual schedules. Particularly the seniors who were struggling with their Thesis Research a.k.a. “The Graduation Passport”. Then again, I saw the fruits of their labor (well, not literally, I just saw their victorious status updates over Facebook haha) over the hard work, and finally, they’re going to get a diploma this April 30. Congrats to my Ates and Kuyas in advance! The world is out there for you to see! The best for all your future endeavors

Moving on, what kept me thinking was what if it was our time to be seniors. Would it run the same way like theirs did? Would there be a “HIGH PASS” for thesis and/or portfolio? Would there be even something so exceptional among us that companies would be dying to get us Lyceum MMA freshgrads? Or is there even a future to unfold outside the four corners of LPU for us?

Most of us in the block, think there is none.

What’s the worst is we blame the school for almost all of it.

At first, I thought it was that way. Since we are the pioneering batch, we can’t help but think that we are “experimental hamsters”. What doesn’t work for us, will definitely not work for the lower batches. Sort of, a trial-and-error. We often think that we are deprived of capable professors who can handle the class and the subject with expertise. We generally conclude that the school isn’t giving us the facilities we need and the skills we have to acquire. In short, we think that the school cannot produce competent and adept Multimedia graduates in the next two years.

Kami na’ng MMA ang mareklamo.

You should say.

We feel the anxiety of having an unsecured destiny.

Then again, I thought of looking at everything in a different standpoint. It is not the school where you came from, but its the person you have been after going to school. It is not the professors who should tell you what you are going to be but they should only guide you on who do you want to be. It is not the state-of-the-art facilities you used when you were in college that will show up in your resume but the skills you have developed. Lastly, it is our duty to be competent. We should always strive for self-improvement and we should have the initiative to do so.

The bottom line here is that artists should not fully rely on what is spoon-fed to them. There’s nothing wrong if the school will do so, but for an artist, art should be something to be passionate about and not too technical about. I know that we have the intelligence quotient but we should also be emotional quotient wise.

I believe we should stop blaming and complaining. We should start making the best out of the 2 years left for us. I believe we should start believing ourselves and making our own future.

And its time to think different.

Time for an MMA paradigm shift.

 

(oh teka, naka-plug pala yung column ni Karlin dito ;D)

Enter title here

(Wait. You play this first in the background while you’re reading this post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPCLNyyxzXQ JUST PLAY IT. OTEI? HAHA!)

 

I was lying in bed, when I thought of this song by The Fray. Heard it after a few years again. Incidentally, I remembered one thing.

Lately, I’ve been into series of unfortunate events. Nothing’s new. I have always been ngarag and bangag at the same time with all the school stuff I’m engaged with. Then again, something came along the way. I can’t say what exactly it is, then again, I know what it is. (Now what was I trying to say here?)

I don’t know when this started, all I knew is that we had few chats, exchange of numbers and we pass by the same hallway at school. There was a lot of in commons, but nobody was really interested.

That was what I thought.

We had our own worlds. After all it was JUST AN ACQUAINTANCE. Nothing special. Just another person to say ‘hi’ at school. Just the person next to me in the office. Just the person I thought they were based on my first impression.

I was not wishing for new best friends. I was not looking for colleagues other than my blockmates. And I was not searching for unbiological siblings. I didn’t find, God gave me.

Soon, there were sincere good morning greetings, shotgun dates and  late night conversations. It was unusual at first. For someone whom I known for so long, yet I didn’t had that opportunity to meet in the middle with them. Then again, it happened.

During the long days of campaign, the fussiness of the MMA exhibit, the tedious hours of PR planning and a whole lot more of our personal shambles, its a wonder how we coincided with each others universe. I just found myself saying ‘take care’ and asking ‘kumain ka na ba?’ which was not really me among my usual tropa in school. I was hesitant to get mushy at first but it was inevitable. Yet, I try to stay as low level mushy as possible ;P

One of the consequences of being this low level mushy, few friends of mine get jealous. I was aware of that. I tried to stay away for a few days. But I was a talkshit. Haha! Bawal nga naman kasi ang ma-pride.

I love all of my friends and I have a bad habit of spoiling them. I was one of those ‘one text away’ persons because I get easily get worried whenever someone needs help. I seldom turn down a friend if he or she wants to walk and pour his/her heart out. For me, time is the only thing I can give them. Its invaluable. With them, its a little bit different. I know, its sort of ikatatampo ng marami but its true.

Most of the time this happens: kadate mo na nga, katext mo pa pag-uwi, kasabay pagpasok, aayain ka mag-ice cream at pagbabawalan kang uminom ng higit sa isang baso ng kape. Eh umayan pala ‘to eh. Joke lang. Di ka na mabiro ngayon ha. Hahaha.

There have been countless moments where I was trying to be strong for others when I myself feel weak. Rarely do I show off a lonely feeling. Most people see me as a happy-go-lucky kid when it comes to unexpected circumstances. Yeah right. But I don’t know how it happened. Sometimes I see myself as a kid telling her mom about a bully playmate whenever I open to them the things depress me. Lalo na siguro nu’ng exhibit na halos pumatay ako ng tao sa inis. They were patient enough to tell me every moment that this too shall pass.

Who would have thought two months would go this far?

Eh akalain mong si MJ, Krizia at Hershey pa iyon.

To my idol bords, my spoiled ones, kakosa, fiance, girlfriends, ka-brad, and secret buddies.. you’ll never know how you made me happy. Love you.

So I hope you guys would Never Say Never..

Some things we don’t talk about
Better do without
Just hold a smile
We’re falling in and out of love
The same damn problem

Together all the while
You can never say never
Why we don’t know when
Time and time again
Younger now then we were before
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go,
Don’t let me go

Picture, you’re the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

We’re falling apart
And coming together again and again
We’re coming apart
But we pull it together
Pull it together, together again

Thoughts.

Where do we go now? Where do we go?

Tilt Shift

Again, lately, I’ve been lying in bed without even thinking about life. I fall asleep fast. Maybe due to a whole day stressful work on the exhibit we have just launched. The whole week, we were filled with anguish, anger, animosity, sudden happiness, frustration, fear, contentment, sadness, resonance and hot as hell tempers. But then again, looking back, it showed the worst and best of us. Admit it, its not on parties, good times and laid back moments where we know each and everyone, its through moments of great pressure. With what I have witnessed, I have learned some of the ups and downs of people I’m mostly around with. My classmates. Schoolmates. Acquaintances. Enemies.

Oh, I forgot, not only the whole week but the past months have been a turning point for change. Drastic change that I was not ready for. Yet, I still try to be the same as what was used to be. I see, something like, a cold relationship perphaps? New found friends. Found friend. Civility. Never to give up. Arguments will just ignite the fire. Learn to say NO. People are subject to change. There’s karaoke every night at my aunt’s neighbor’s house.

I’m not counting but I know there’s a lot that I have ascertained. I try to be a mature as I can to handle the situations. I’m not a kid anymore, and it was my choice to be here. I must learn to adjust, but not to trim myself just to fit in. I still have a lot to tell, but I don’t the courage to tell it all. Yet. Hahaha!

Now, I’m feeling like I’m on cloud nine. If I could just remember what to do here.

Alchuhaul.

Hm. This post is very far from the last post I did. Derng. I don’t know, maybe a part 2 of my hormone overproduction dilemma or simply my frontal lobe is not working. Whatever. I think you know at least, for a fact, you have an idea.

I felt I want to get drunk. Probably my parents will kill me once I get home. So I erased the idea. So many stressful things to do. So many selfish souls to feed. So many questions left unanswered. What hurts the most, so many things are not as the same as before.

Like with the other posts, I DON’T WANT THIS FEELING TO LINGER. I’m trying to live every single day of my life as before. Trying to be as happy and ecstatic, because I know that some of my friends are feeling the same way too. I want to be strong for them. I don’t want my burdens to be part of theirs.  Somehow, with this, I forget the weakening feeling.

But we can’t stop here. We can’t stop and give up. If not for those trials, we won’t get this far. We’re not losing anything, God is replacing it with something better. Make the most out of the situation.

 

I know you’re singing that James Taylor song.